Sonnet 2 Life (in progress)

20140128-080301.jpg
2.
I wrote a sonnet about everything/
Each lesson, ev’ry moment had taught me/
In my pique, I let inspiration sing/
My lesson, in rhyming words I set free/

I’d reached the age where my children had grown/
I wanted to share my experience/
All the pitfalls of youth that Life had thrown/
So they would not be fooled by appearance/

The fantastic world of accomplishment/
Public acceptance or celebrity/
(If it’s what they want their lives to amount)/
I wrote in fourteen lines of clarity/

I wrote all my fatherly sage advice/
Knowing that no one would read it twice/

1.
I wrote a sonnet about everything/
Each lesson, ev’ry moment had taught me/
In a fit, I let inspiration sing/
These few measured rhyming words I set free/

I’d reached the age where my children had grown/
I wanted to share my experience/
All the pitfalls of youth that I had sewn/
So they’d stand on my shoulders, climb the fence/

The fantastic world of accomplishment/
Public acceptance or celebrity/
(If it’s what they want their lives to cement)/
I wrote fourteen lines of clarity/

On tissue paper I scribbled it down/
Threw it in the toilet and watched it swirl down/

[a]I like the changes, though the original idea for the sonnet, “a note on toilet paper” is now gone. I like the revisions of each of the first three stanzas, but I’m still not sure. I think the poem for the toilet will have to me longer, and will have to set up the toilet climax better.

[b]I wanted to give the idea that words and dreams can be sent heavenward, like a prayer, by writing on toilet paper and flushing it. As I type this in I am not happy with it. I think there’ll have to be a second and third draft.

which draft do you like more? Please let me know in the comments (this ain’t done!)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s