Journaling Myself Forward

Onward and Upward4-8-11 11:47am

I dropped Lennox off and there was way less drama this morning.  She got herself ready and all I did was prepare breakfast.  I went straight to the Y afterwards and did my “regular” workout (3rd time this week) 10 minutes rowing, 20 minutes precor and 20 minutes on the spinning bike.  I’ve tweeted my numbers and at some point I hope I’ll digest them and collect them.  Linda’s been gone since Tuesday and everyone is still alive and hasn’t eaten out every meal.  Today will be different because I have to get Lennox early and Take mason to Williamsburg for soccer this evening.  Chandler will babysit Lennox for some crepes, so tonight should be alright.

Wednesday was the read-a-thon and that was lots of fun.  Some good, some bad and some weird.  I was really disappointed that literary LaGuardia didn’t read at all.  SMH.  The reason I mention this is that it reminds me that I actually want to write more.  I think part of the desire to lose the crackberry is to get back in touch with my writerly-self.  I read Kiko’s story and I do like it, but reading it aloud made me think about it in a different way: it is worthy, but not yet good.

segue

I think this is why I want to get rid of the phone is because it inhibits contemplation.  Having a publishing platform in my pocket at all times rushes me to drop incomplete thoughts and writing.  I actually like my haikus and a lot of them have merit in both the instant sense (that was a perfectly described moment) and in the more philosophical sense (that is a good truth well told).

I am suddenly so tired that I want to go put laundry in the wash and clean the house rather than sit here for the 45 minutes I told myself I would.  I am so tired from the gym yesterday, the lack of sleep of the week and the gym this morning.  I could definitely take a nap, but I think what I really want to do is avoid writing.

Here’s what I SHOULD be writing:

1. Jacobs chapter to send to NCTE (?)
2. the Twitter paper (there is a big problem to solve, how did tweeting haikus actually help them to write better papers at the argument, sentence and organizational levels?
3. Kiko’s story or something creative.
IV. I should also re-read all of my volumes of Haikus and tweets.  I think that there is much gold there and if I don’t pan for it it will not be discovered until the next ice age (to torture a metaphor).
E.  I want to work on longer poetic writing. I think of my haikus in 4. as place-holders for longer poems, but I never get back to them and expand them, they’re just an archive of my pointless thoughts.  I have to believe that there is something to them, not just a waste of three years of free time.
6. I want to start painting or drawing more.

TO accomplish these goals I should:

i.  Print out and read the Jacobs Chapter
ii. Print out and read the Twitter piece
iii. Start writing for a fixed amount of time on Kiko
iv. Print out the first volume of tweets at work and start reading it for a fixed amount of time each day and enter the changes at night.
v. Revise and-or write one poem a day, [preferably long-hand in my graph paper book.
vi. Find my illuminated journal from ‘87 and re-read and scan it.
vii. Start posting on wQueens7 more regularly. I think I’ll put this there as a way to publicly nudge myself forward.

Wow, that is only 30 minutes of writing.  I got a lot done.  I also have to say that thinking is also kind of refreshing.  My problems seem less un-doable when I just write out the steps I need to take.  I have to say that I think going to the gym has helped me a lot.  It seems to focus me.  (I should also work on my spiritual health.)

Class, yesterday, became fairly religious.  It is interesting that my confession that I had outgrown my “anti-church”  reading of “Soaphead Church” in The Bluest Eye brought on such an interest in religion on the classes’ part (and on mine). I was working on teaching them how there could be competing readings of of a book, passage, character or  detail that revolved around the particular mood or experience of a reader on a particular day. I was using my experience to detail how each of their readings actually enriched and enlivened the text.  Interestingly the church-goers (observant religious students) seemed to better understand the fluidity of text.  We think that a book is a done deal, forgetting that the meaning is always refracted through an evolving series of minds.

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3 responses to “Journaling Myself Forward

  1. Just read the most amazing horror story of a friend of mine: http://cornerofconfessions.wordpress.com/
    Read it and pray

  2. Oh, I couldn’t help but laugh when I read this
    ” Linda’s been gone since Tuesday and everyone is still alive and hasn’t eaten out every meal. ”
    -Its amazing how dysfunctional things can get without your better half. Since I’ve been care taking for my father and fiancee these past few months, I always feel the same when my mother isn’t home ( no matter how much we don’t get along , there is just something about her that make things get done). I have a sigh a relief when she comes home that I’ve made it all day and everyone was fed, medicated, taken care of and alive. And when i have to step out and do the errands and stuff my father and fiancee feel that same relief when I come. Its a funny cycle.

    I’m a big fan of the To Do List. It’s really helpful for poor memory and from feeling overwhelmed or pressed for time. Mini goals are much more manageable.

    I’m REALLY surprised to learn about your anti-church mindset has shifted but i guess i shouldn’t be. I have to admit, having my dad go through stage one colon cancer and my fiancee going through stage 3 brain cancer I’ve been unexpectedly contemplating and venturing spiritual grounds and questions I’ve never been particularly interested in before. I guess when one needs hope and faith we seek something omnipotent and when watching love ones battle the line of mortality… it shifts everything we once held as truth.

    Anyway, I’m rambling. Which is why I like these blog things and happy to see you writing one! It lets the mind wander and there doesn’t have to be a specific format or method or time line. It’s just free. It’s candid art.

    • I am so sorry about Omar. Though I don’t believe in religion I believe in G_d, & I believe that everything happens for a reason. Now, the fact that the reason might be a bad one sucks. On the other hand, the fact that we rarely know what that reason is, REALLY sucks. But you gotta keep trying and hoping and working.
      Call me any time if I can help.
      Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

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