More Fallout (Amir Hassan’s Passing)

CHandler, it seems continues to write these temporary letters to Amir. He has become Chandler’s muse. All of her uncertainty, insecurity and isolation here in NYC get sent to Amir in the afterlife.


I wonder if he’s reading? He was always a precocious kid, as is Chandler. He was polite and thoughtful, ever considering the feelings and needs of others (well, as much as a kid can). Chandler works really hard at being a good citizen, and I am sorry that I, in the day to day of life, cannot always see or appreciate it. But when I read her letters, I weep that I cannot protect her from all harm, loss, desire and failure. She is alive, and I am too. I’ve got to be grateful for that.


6 responses to “More Fallout (Amir Hassan’s Passing)

  1. maybe in an odd way he’s become her muse.

    you know, this is where i appreciate the chinese way of burning incense to the dead. there’s something both tangible and evanescent to smoke that rises to the heavens.

    other people keep ofrenda with little meaningful objects to keep the spirits organized properly and to have a place to visit them.

    and then the thai have spirit houses so the oranges and fragrant frangipani necklaces have somewhere proper to go.

  2. Chandler is the social butterfly that keeps all friends at a distance. A Muse like Amir will free her up some. I was the exact same way when I was her age, but I hid the feelings in emotions much less transient than a dry erase board.

  3. Hi Stafford,

    I’m so sorry that you and your family lost such a close young friend. You and Linda have obviously passed on your verbal gifts to Chandler; thanks for sharing her poignant examples of grief. As I remember you all in my prayers, along with Amir and his family, I take comfort in my knowledge and experience of the healing power of community.

    It’s good that you are monitoring her level of grief. When a child dies, children who knew him/her often become concerned about their own vulnerability. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m not sure that Amir is serving as Muse to Chandler as much as he is a focal point, or symbol of her anxiety. Of course, I am 3,000 miles and many years away, which combine to make a huge grain of salt. If she is experiencing changes in her sleep or eating patterns, it might be a sign that she could benefit from counseling.

    My sister frequently points out that no parent wants to hear things like this about their child, but I’m willing to risk your scorn if I think it might help Chandler feel a little better. Sorry if I’ve offended you in any way. As always, you and Linda have my respect and admiration.

    Love, Dhru

  4. Dhru,

    Thanks so much for your comments and insight into the kids. Funny thing is that just the other day my sister commented on how “she’s talkin’ to you.” She is right and you are also.

    I think that Cha-Cha is not adjusting to New York as well as I’d like, but I’ve noticed no major changes in eating, sleeping or attitude since Amir’s murder.

    I can’t imagine being hurt or offended by anything you say about the kids (unless you say they are stupid, ugly, or poorly behaved). I deeply appreciate the comments, insight and prayers.

  5. Stafford,

    Lulu has been writing songs lately…the lyrics of her most recent are :

    “I’m not gonna grieve….don’t wanna believe….don’t wanna know what’s happenin’…”

    I haven’t told her how Amir died because she has bee pretty clear all along that she didn’t want to know…. It will come out eventually, of course.

    As the eldest child of (and most identified with??) the courtyard, it seems to me that ChaCha is carrying a lot of the consciousness about Amir and his awful death. I wish she didn’t have to. As a teen beginning to really assert herself as an individual she must be poignantly aware of the tragedy of what happened – one unique life full of possibility, gone. I so wish we, the adults in her life who love her and want the best for her, could ease that burden.

  6. …Just told Annie. I was looking at the new Friends of Misti page and she started asking questions….as it turns out, she’s the one who held me and turned off the browser. Wow.

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