Category Archives: Springtime

Spring Growth

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May Day
Today I will notice people working/
And ignore advertising/

I will celebrate students learning/
& smile at loud cries for attention/

I will do my very best to help/
& not judge those who don’t/

I will satisfy only my needs/
& observe the “wants” needy cries/

I will do my job diligently/
So I can help the world improve/

I will not notice when I find others’ faults/
& try to see assets & motives/

If my outlook changes anything/
It is the entire world that will improve/

You may not notice it out-there in the world/
But you can transform the world in your HEART/

~Stafford

Spring Ennui

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Spring Structure View Lament

As I stand on the hillock behind my house looking over the gentle slope that rolls down to the stone wall that separates the cemetery from Woodside, I am filled with sadness because of the warm breezes that blow down the back of my neck. In the darkening sky I watch the empire state and Chrysler buildings jump to life I lament the warmth that I’ve been crying for all winter long; this the first winter of our puppy, Lucky. As the buildings get to full voltage on the horizon on the other side of the stone wall, graveyard and river the skies fall dark. Through denuded branches the empire state glows two flavors of pink in a spring cross-marketing promotion of breast cancer and brassieres. The Chrysler building arcs a bright deco-rococo filigree in the center of the mountain of Manhattan skyline. The brilliance of the verge of sky and city on that warming cold spring evening seen through the branches flogging the sky pulls at my heart. Soon the warmth will stimulate the branches and coax out the flush-lush green that will blot it all out. In a week, two, or a month I will stand above that brown stonewall topped with concertina wire and see nothing but trees and leaves. The obstruction will be celebrated far & wide. From the 7 Manhattan-ites will remark “how bucolic” it looks with all the trees & Tudor buildings. I will cringe thinking about all of the views the foliage has suffocated.
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I.
The picture of the building is cracked
Irregular lines and shadows of lines
Scribble in every direction, track
Crossing out the columned stone station

II.
Cops quickly passing a crenellated
Columned, staired stone castle
The cracks are crooked boughs
Of December trees, up and out gasping

III.
Long branches reaching for sun long gone
Zig-zagged boughs couldn’t dodge trucks
Cracked and reversed lay bare winter pain
Now I can see how summer shade is struck

IV.

The spring brings out cover to hide
The old “house.” The green pollution smears
The leisurely passing of what’s inside
The strength of the skeleton structure

After Winter Falls

After Winter Falls
Through snakey black trees
A hard world emerges
Out the grey windows

Folks, kids, dads, and moms
Love and hate and pain
Streets of hOpetemism
The course of city life

Branches separate
Branches unify
People living out
City life as humans

Spring buds out green life
Tinting strong lines green
Blotting out the lives
That run past the windows

Buds to leaves become
Hinting at the branch
That holds leaves up, out
Over and along

Bulbous leaves foam out
Green from everywhere
Lush plush green of lies
Life of lives to hide

Bindi Up

A poem considered, imagined, and executed in Sunnyside, Queens, NY 11104


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BINDI UP

Brocade sari once the color of spring plenty
Was the green in a rainbow of twenty

Wrapped tight over the increased girth of age
The filigree frayed by carried kids now grown

Embroider’d swans fray’d down growing younger
Fluffy fowls lined up on fields of green ochre

The garish saris of her youth are worn
The young flesh that they hung on now hangs

Life drawn down by time and care and worry
Pulled towards the earth she sprung from so far away

Still the spring sees the once precious sari
Wrapped and tucked with clinical precision

Trailing a cart of grandkids’ food or clothes
Around seven blocks of western Queens

He thinks, as he watches, only the bindi
Buoys young poise now sari’d together

Doesn’t long for the days he unwrapp’d her
Just loves the life they’ve found here together

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BINDI UP

Draft 1

Brocade sari once the color of spring leaves
That was once one of a set of twenty

Wrapped tight over the increased girth of age
The filigree frayed by carried kids, now grown

Embroidered swans grown backwards to frayed down
Fluffy fowls lined up on fields of fall green

The garish saris of her youth are worn
The young flesh that they hung on now hangs

Life drawn down by time and care and worry
Pulled towards the earth she sprung from so far away

Still the spring sees the once precious sari
Wrapped and tucked with clinical precision

Trailing a cart of grandkids’ food or clothes
Around a few blocks of western Queens

Wicked gravity condensed around her
Twice the force of the adjoining time there

He thinks it is only the bindi that
She wears that holds her up in the shower

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Broken Glass Everywhere…

Auto Glass Signage

Yesterday When Linda was going to start the day by dropping off Lennox at Daycare in the car (as big an incentive as it is a pain in the ass), she discovered that our car had been hit and the read window blown out. Grrr. We didn’t know when it had happened and I was already at work so I put it off ’til the end of the day. I took Lenore, the English Department secretary’s suggestion and I went out to Flushing. I had cased some places with the yellowpages, but was immediately seduced away from them by a place that quoted me $20 more, installed. They did a great job (and this is NOT their signage), and they even offered to fix the mirror that I have duct-taped together.

So I spent an hour and a half wandering around Flushing’s Junkyards with my camera.

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Oh the things that I saw/The cold that I felt/As I wandered along/The Flushing pre-smelt // The cars were all wrecked/Bumpers in Seats/In garbage bedecked/Cold wind beats

So much for my attempt at impromptu Seussian poetry.

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I’ll try to include some photos of the world under the LaGuardia Flight Plan.

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It was amazing how much “inventory” there was there. There were huge trucks taking out the unsalable remnants after all the value was resold to people like me. There were hundreds of cubic meters of everything from alloy wheels to car-mirrors (no silver, so I didn’t get one yet). Even after 5 on a Friday most of the places were still grinding out value from the wrecked and abandoned cars of Central Queens (the Tri-State Area).

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The next time your car is messed up, check it out rather than buying new! As Bob the Builder says to Lennox everyday “Reduce! Reuse! Recycle!”

The game is afoot

This time tomorrow will be the first day of the semester. It will be the first day of the getting the kids out on time. It will be the first time for meeting the people I will share my life with for the next couple of months. It will be where I have to show up and grow up.

In no particular order:

I found out I had a paper accepted at the Boston conference of the American Literature Association (not bad). I will be presenting on “Writing, Surveillance, and Resistance in the works of William Wells Brown.” This means I’ll be going home for the first time in 15+ years. I grew up in Boston, and I hope to show my kids what’s left of the place I was raised. I hope that I can let go of the racist nonsense I grew up with in Boston in the 1970s.

I’ve got a ton to do to make this a successful year for my students and myself. As usual I am getting a late start on a lot of my (extra-curricular) preparations, but I am excited. Teaching a new version of one class and my first lit class are both exciting propositions. I am, in my way, psyched.

I was particularly sensitive to the personalities in my family yesterday. I hope I can get over this particular bout of “the hypos.” As we all sat on the stoop airing the guinea pigs and talking with our neighbors I was stung by the comments that the people I love had made about me over the course of the last 24 hours. You know you’re depressed when you enter into a battle of wills with three kids whom you love madly. Kids are so much better suited to battles of wills, it is all they have. Alas, mine is eroded (washed away) by experience.

Yesterday was the first good run I’ve had in a month and I am going to end here to go for another one.map of my favorite run

http://sgregoire.googlepages.com/sunnysiderun

Just Now

SO I slept late this morning, getting up at 6. On Monday the semester starts and I’ll be running on full tilt for the next dozen weeks. There are a few things left over that have to get done also. I want to do a better job coaching M.’s soccer team and work out my conflict with the mother of one of the kids. It is frustrating that a thing which should be so much fun has become a site for anxiety. I also experience some anxiety because M. often just horses around when they are asking me (a coach) to shape things up. I guess I’ve got to let go.

I still have that MS to send out. Gotta do it. In reading my work and Ideas I am convinced of the validity of the ideas, though the prose is -hurm- challenged in many cases.

I’ve got two new classes to teach, one of which is a literature class and the other is a cluster with two other professors teaching on a single theme. This will take lots of work, teaching out of my usual booklist and comfort-zone. I’m excited and a bit more afraid than usual.

I rally want to clean up and organize my office. It is and it isn’t a metaphor for my slovenly personal regimen. While I am good at some things, getting up and going, I lack the determination to order my world. Of course one of the pictures of Aurthur Schlesinger that I saw on his OBIT was of him (with a bow tie!) in a jumbled and sloppy office.

I went for a run today and for the first time in a number of weeks my leg did not hurt. I wasn’t particularly fast, though I’m not timing myself anymore (I need a new HRM). It was a beautiful morning and I saw lots of magical things. The sun off of a grave, an eroded jesus inlay a bronze woman weeping at a mausoleum door and a chicken-coop.

I also saw an older cemetery worker walking from his car smoking. I thought about how he must have looked when he picked up the habit. He is a sturdy, paunchy white-haired man now, but that is not how we look when we start smoking. Was he young and dashing once? Is he happy about the arc of his life?

my bike as it lays

I remember when I would get up every morning and ride up the 1600 feet to Grizzly peak. Now I get to run by an industrial canal between two boneyards. Sigh.

Summer OUTside

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I was thinking about this the other day when I was writing my earlier screed against the lack of imagination that many people frame “outdoors” with. This summer we went to Fire Island, to the same town my brother and I were brought to as kids. The reason I loved it so this time was that there were very few consumer opportunities and absolutely no cars. Most of us were stripped of our #2 possession (our Motor Vehicles) and had to make do with the one market, 1/2 a restaurant, gift-shop, ferreteria (Hardware Store, I love that word) and ice cream stand (unfriendly’s ice cream). What we ate, for the most part we brought. The kids had the run of the place because they couldn’t get run over. My two oldest could Shepherd the little ones about safely(they can swim and have good judgement), while the little ones loved being away from the mommies and daddies. I saw these two photos today and that was what made me think of this.

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Time away from cars is a rare and precious commodity. You do need them in 99.99% of the untied states because of the bass ackwards public transportation and infrastructure decisions that our politicians made under the influence of auto, oil and construction money. But when you can get away from cars, your life is good. The five days that I spent on Fire Island with my family and my brother’s family were five of the best days I’ve had in years. I got to spend quality time with great people. There were fewer decisions to be made and more time to just talk.

Time OUTside is a Lure

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Tomorrow I think I’ll add a long entry about how much fin I had on Fire Island with my family.

While I was trawling for other things to include in here I became aware of how “tenuous” 1st drafts are.  As I work on revising my dissertation I have to be aware of how much clarification my (academic) writing needs.

Springtime Observations

When I first came to Sunnyside, when my kids were young these are some of the springtime bservations I made: I took these walks After the Kids went to sleep out and along the Streets of Queens. The businesses and people I saw there deserve cataloguing for future reference. As I look at my notes I see that there will be little or no way that I could possibly accurately recount the shops and businesses and streets and feel that I got there and tried to jot down. I want to include it in my fiction, and probably will. But I don’t know how.

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One night, a hot and sticky night, I went for the first of my nocturnal rambles. I figured I’d see much the same thing as I saw during the day, just closer and at a kid-free more leisurely pace. In some ways that is exactly what happened. In other’s I was in for an awakening which I could have never predicted. First the small awakenings:

There was much more ethnic variety than I’d been able to comprehend. Shops which looked like fast food joints were actually new Asian fast-food chains like “Tofu and Noodles.” The thing that got me about that one was that it was not of any specific Asian ethnicity. Rather, this was the first sort of Pan-Asian fast food joint. They were marketing to the lively late night Asian teenager crowd that probably doesn’t self segregate along ethnic lines besides East Asian. There I saw the familiar throngs of well dressed teens with cool gear and nice cars hanging out, but because it wasn’t Chinese or Korean or Japanese on the face of it I sort of assumed it was Pan Asian. (I know now it is a Korean Restaurant, with some Japanese touches: good food.)

Another epiphany from my walk was that a lot of what had formerly been bodegas were now actually “Halal Butchers” selling meat and products from the Arab World. At least two of these born-again bodegas were run by Pakistanis. (My favorite is the Halal Chinese place on Greenpoint and 43rd that is packed on friday nites.) I doubt that there is much friction out on 74th street between Pakistanis and Indians (Muslims and Hindus) Or Caribbean Indians and South Asian Indians, but if there is this is the first show of a micro diaspora away from 74th Street by Pakistanis. (Actually, I’ve learned that Sunnyside is the center of a Bangladeshi and Nepalese satellite community.)

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Now the biggest shock about that jaunt out Queens Blvd and back was the nocturnal emergence of white people. This is not to say that there aren’t Whites out during the day, in fact I’d say that there are always enough whites about to remind you of their presence, if not primacy.

This had been an Irish neighborhood once, and still is really. But the folks you see about during the day are an entirely different breed. Retired people, Mothers with kids, night workers with the pallor of capitalism, Drunks who’ve tippled their way out of the mainstream, and dopefiends forever proving the equal opportunity of the disease of addiction all wander, stumble, shop and carouse the streets during the day.

At rush hour you start to see a different class or crop of whites. Well dressed silver-haired men in expensive clothes of no definite vintage. Timeless men who look like Brooks Brother’s models and we’ve been told had all left the city for the suburbs salt the crowds leaving the stations with their Tip O’Neal white mops. Visually polished enough to look like bit players on a Lexus ad, these men have the broad working class brogue of the White New Yorker: Italian syncopation with a slightly jewish drawl and Broad Gaelic vowels. “They-e they go. Breakin’ me Shoes. Jheez-s.”

(Of course, just under my radar when I originally wrote this, were the Romanians, Turks, and Russians that live in Sunnyside by the hundreds. I really couldn’t see them when I was just visiting from California, but now that I live here I am .very aware of them because my kids play with their kids and we struggle for the same peace as new New Yorkers.)

The difference being that the people who aren’t Irish who live in the neighborhood now can’t pass as Native Born. I’d imagine that there are the same amount of Irish in the area as there always was, but now you can tell that they are a large minority or a small Majority. I reckon that there is less friction now that the physical/visible test for Irish no longer works. Getting along seems to be what folks do best here now.

But at night. At night there was a strange paradigmatic shift. Now it seemed like all of the Irish bars were twice as big and three times as bright. Where there might have been one per block amongst other shops and businesses, they were now the only business open on most blocks and they were lively. “The Wall,” “McSorley’s,” “The Ferryman,” and “McGuinness’” were all bursting with a surprisingly young and upscale clientele. Maybe it’s my Manhattan snobbery, but I just didn’t expect to see so many young and well dressed white folks in that black, brown, yellow, beige and gray league of nations in the shadows of the 7 train.

Handsome and happy Irish people were bursting out onto the street through the windows and doors. (It wasn’t hot enough for AC yet.) College kids and immigrant plasterers, Lawyers and office workers were the discrete leafs of some whole shamrock I could have never imagined until that night. Happy and indifferent to me and the other people of color who walked along, Sunnyside Irish, in contrast to the Boston Irish of my youth are unconcerned with “the other.” I guess that a good economy and a strong influx of Native born Irish will have that effect on a people.

Then there were the younger people. Dressed to match the silver haired gentlemen, there were preppy young Irish kids all over the place. Crossing under the el, coming out of all of the side streets north of the tracks there were blond happy kids who looked like they should have been at a country club someplace not on Queens Blvd passing the Halal Butcher or “Tofu and Noodles.” Little Black dresses below long blond hair, accompanied Polo Blazers over Gap white Chinos. Pearls and gold in discrete portions orbited like satellites these pale Lunas. These folks appeared out of nowhere, looking simultaneously out of place and right at home. I know that the only thing that made this noteworthy to me was my own narrow mind. I have bought hook line and sinker the lie that all the whites who could afford to leave the city have.

Visually these might have been Ivy Leaguers except better dressed. But their wraith-like appearance on Queens Blvd. showed them to be more real that the imagined blue bloods of the Ivy League and its sisters. These kids hazarded out into the real multi-cultural world in a way that college kids rarely do. This is not the veneer of multiculti, rather it is the “real-deal.” Not only do we have geographic diversity layered on top of ethnic and racial diversity but there is also class and dream diversity to boot. In fact there is more class diversity in one of those Irish pubs than in all the freshman comp courses I’ve taught at UC Berkeley in the last 7 years.